I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
