This is not my ceiling
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
