mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
