I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
