Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize