Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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