i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize