A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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