your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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