do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
