i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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