the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
