I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
