if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
