I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
