how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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