What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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