your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize