My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
smell my finger.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
