You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
