You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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