im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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