How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
