I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize