I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
