I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize