I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
