if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
