ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
