He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize