apparently the secret to your success is patron
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
