Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The adults are the big ones right?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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