You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Randomize
