I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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