she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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