i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
