I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
