Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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