Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
