no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
