I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
