you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
