If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
