haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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