It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You made out with two different species that night
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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