So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
