Got a toothbrush?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
