if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
