what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
