Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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