ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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