Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
