you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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