I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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