I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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