we have pet lesbian snakes
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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