Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
