Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Randomize
