I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
