Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
