We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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