I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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