We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
