I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
is it fun? or sober?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
